all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
