i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
