I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
