I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
