I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize