There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
