i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
