We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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