im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
