my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
