I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
