I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
