does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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