Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
