I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
