I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
