You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
