She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
two words...techno handjob
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
