and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
