Jerry, you need to find god
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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