we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
