Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
