you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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