oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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