I heard we made out
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
