Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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