after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
