Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
