You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
