literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
