You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
