nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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