i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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