dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
