Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
