why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
