it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i came on her dog
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
