And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
