every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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