I have demons in me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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