Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
