do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
