I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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