dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
