Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize