So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
