someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize