hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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