i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
