never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
