Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
