why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
