If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
