we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
