is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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