So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
