and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
