My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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