you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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