if you like me you must not know who I am
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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