I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
