Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
barbara walters just said penis...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
