i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
