It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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