Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
