She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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