You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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