I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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