Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
