Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
