I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you traded sex for a burrito?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
