Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
